The value of solitude

While reading recently I came across Maria Popova's Brainpickings article on Sara Maitland's book: How to be Alone in which she discusses the book and provides several excerpts.

Based on the bits and pieces made available by Popova, I think Maitland's book is one possibly worth checking out, however right now I am reading two books for pleasure in addition to the coursework required for the masters program that I am working on; so it will have to go on the bookshelf.

I would like to discuss several of the quotes/excerpts provided by Popova though.

First:   

"We are supposed now to seek our own fulfillment, to act on our feelings, to achieve authenticity and personal happiness — but mysteriously not do it on our own."
Sara Maitland, How to be Alone

          I particularly enjoyed this section because I identified with it personally.  The advice is frequently given to "be yourself" and many variations of that, but when an individual steps outside society's norms, even slightly, it makes those advice givers uncomfortable and they tend to recoil from differences.  It is as though we are supposed to do those things, seek fulilment and express our feelings authenticly in order to achieve happiness, but only if our happiness fits within the constraints of what society deems apropriate.  

          We are expected to work a full time job, mow our lawns, and wash our cars.  These examples come to me because I have neighbors who literally wash their cars by hand twice a week at least, more when the weather is nice.  

          I prefer working enough to afford what I need, because I don't believe our lives should be consumed by work but instead by leisure or by learning.  

          I don't wish to be mistaken, I love my job and the line of work I'm in.  But I don't think that's common among most adult job holders.  Many people hate their jobs and work them only to provide a means by which to live.  In my opinion that's no way to live life, and it's a lifestyle I could never accept for myself.  But it is what society expects of us.  Get a job, make money, pay taxes, live and don't cause trouble.  How is this a fulfilling life?  Especially if the time away from the un-fulfilling work life is spent on menial tasks like car washing?

Second:

"...even those who know that they are best and most fully themselves in relationships (of whatever kind) need a capacity to be alone, and probably at least some occasions to use that ability. If you know who you are and know that you are relating to others because you want to, rather than because you are trapped (unfree), in desperate need and greed, because you fear you will not exist without someone to affirm that fact, then you are free. Some solitude can in fact create better relationships, because they will be freer ones."
Sara Maitland, How to be Alone

          This particular excerpt struck me as exceptionally profound because I feel very much like I am someone who would have said at many points in their life that they "...are best and most fully themselves in relationships..." however I do function very well in a state of solitude.  I find myself craving the experience of solitude frequently in fact. 

However:

          That is not to say that I have always been that way, because I also have felt, in my younger days and during my very first, most heart-wrenching breakups; ones which threaten to tear the soul in two (as all young lovers experience when they are parted from their first love), that I had indeed been "... trapped (unfree), in desperate need and greed, because you fear you will not exist without someone to affirm that fact..."

           I think it is part of growing up and part of becoming who you are to develop the skill to enjoy solitude, which does - of course - not mean that you are lonely.  One can be alone, certainly, and have a wonderful experience totally devoid of any feelings of loneliness if they are totally secure and know who and what they are. 

           Maitland gives five benefits which will come to those who invest their energy in learning to operate in solitude successfully which are:

• A deeper consciousness of oneself
• A deeper attunement to nature
• A deeper relationship with the transcendent (the numinous, the divine, the spiritual)
• Increased creativity
• An increased sense of freedom

          All five of these benefits mentioned by Maitland in How to be Alone remind me of benefits mentioned by various podcast hosts or in various articles I've read over the last several months on the general topic of Mindfulness Meditation, which I believe very probably goes hand in hand with the topic of solitude.  In order to be comfortable being alone with oneself, one should begin practicing being alone with ones mind via formal meditation practice. 

References

Popova, Maria. "How to Be Alone: An Antidote to One of the Central Anxieties and Greatest Paradoxes of Our Time." Brain Pickings. Brainpickings.org, 03 Sept. 2014. Web. 5 Jan. 2016. .